Breaking Free of Hustle Culture
Psst… I have a little secret. My husband and I did something really hot and steamy last week… That’s right, we got a hot tub! My 4 year old in particular is a super fan. Earlier today she was melting down because I limited her iPad screen-time, and a dip in the hot tub was the only cure to her cranky mood.
As we soaked in the sun, I had a moment of reflection and gratitude. 10 years ago I would have been in the office with a million email requests and a looming deadline. And here I am able to play with my daughter before lunch on a Tuesday?! Wow! How did this happen?
I remember the pressure cooker energy that was my reality from elementary school through my final days working at Disney. This anxious energy was all I knew so it felt normal but also unhealthy, draining and unsustainable.
At first, our subconscious mind is programmed by our parents. For me, it started with my Dad - an entrepreneur that opened his own energy company before I was even born. My whole life I saw him work really hard to deliver heating oil to furnaces and boilers across Connecticut to keep people warm in the cold winter months.
He would always tell me,
“You have to work hard.”
And he also say,
“You can do anything you set your mind to.”
These two messages are now deeply ingrained in my subconscious mind. Super powerful!
I went through school with a learning disability, this made certain aspects of education more difficult than they should be. Subconsciously I knew I would have to “work hard” to get through it, so I worked even harder to get straight A’s.
After college, my dad’s message was once again loud and clear. Deep down I knew I can do anything I set my mind to, so I had my mind set on being a TV producer. So I did just that. I sought out opportunities and applied myself with confidence. And one day I packed up my little, green Volkswagen golf and drove cross country to LA for an opportunity of a lifetime. To start my job at Ellen DeGeneres Show!
I found the perfect job to reinforce what I already believed to be true - you have to apply yourself and work really hard to be successful. It is hard. And it was HARD. And as I worked my way up the TV Production ladder it didn’t get any easier. It got more and more intense.
During my time with The Doctors talk show I was responsible for producing an hour long episode every week. It was long hours, high stress, tight deadlines, high pressure. I had achieved my goal of becoming a TV producer, but my job controlled me. I didn’t feel like my job was really supporting me & the life I wanted to be living. I was supporting my job.
When I had my first daughter, Siena, I knew I needed to make a change. I had the idea of becoming a hypnotherapist but my subconscious mind wasn't quite ready to let go of the belief that “high stress is the key to success” that I’ve been trained to believe. One morning, I worked until 3 am prepping for a show and completely missed picking Siena up from school, giving her a bath or putting her to bed. That was the final straw. I started my own business, Modern Hypnotherapy, but I fell right back into my old ways.
I was lucky, I found help. I started working with business coach Elizabeth Canon to become a better businesswoman and better mom. And through our work together, I came to realize that the way I was subconsciously programmed is to value my work over everything, even my kids. This was a real eye opener!
“I value my job more than my kids?”
I asked, and knew the answer, It felt sad and empty. I was building this new business so I could be more available to my kids. Yet I was right back in the pressure cooker I had been living in my whole life. What more can I do to grow, make more money, see more clients and still have a life?
When you are an entrepreneur there is always more to do. And in today’s hustle culture so much value is put on career success more than being a mom.
It’s not that I am a bad mom or that I choose work over my kids. But working in a career I love is sometimes more exciting than the dinner, homework and bath time routine. It’s like there is a subconscious battle between being a great mom and being a successful career woman. I had a belief that it was one OR the other and that you couldn’t be both. This subconscious programming sent me into postpartum anxiety after I had my second daughter.
Even though this is something that doesn't just go away over night. I continuously work with my own hypnotherapist AND therapist to find inner peace. I do believe it is possible to be present with my kids without the nagging pressure to get back to work. Awareness is the first step to making a big change in your life.
This moment soaking in the hot tub with my daughter gave me a sense that I’m on that right track.
